좌 Chwa

답답해
Annoying

Might just rage

Lately I’ve been slacking like a mofo.

Going out and eating whatever and not working out as hard.

Not studying and have NOT been learning ANYTHING.

Due to losing motivation, I’m still the same level of a piano player as I was ~10 months ago.

So I’m going to set some bigass fuking goals.

3 long term (more than 3 years) goals and 3 short term (less than 3 months) goals

I will keep updating my short term goals until I’ve reached my long term goals.

I will make myself these goals by end of this week.

What is it?

What is it?

What the fuck is it!?

I hate this feeling.

I don’t even have the energy to get angry from this.

I don’t have the energy to track down the source of this eerie feeling.

Maybe I just need sleep

I fucking don’t know, I just want to rest right now.
I want to magically win a lottery or something and do whatever forever. Rest whenever and wherever.

Or maybe I just need love

I fucking don’t know, I have enough people loving me. Actually, most people I know seem to like me. Maybe I need a more intimate love/care? IDK

OR maybe I need more person(s) TO love

Only people I TRULY care for right now are my family + jinny, jenny, and hari.
Perhaps I need someone else to value. Someone I deem to be worthy of my true care.

Think imma invest my time n money in coffee.

ㅇ Frappucino (iced)
ㅇ Mocha (basically latté + chocolate)
ㅇ Latté (espresso + milk)
ㅇ Caffè (americano, misto, mocha)

ㅇ Starbucks flavors: vanilla, hazelnut, caramel, and peppermint.

ㅇ Milk: Whole, 2%, non-fat, and organic soymilk.

ㅇ Coffee: Decaf, Extra cofee, and espresso.

ㅇ Tea: Black, green, or passion. sweetend vs non-sweetened

ㅡ Always ask for no whip
Or at least “light” (33% fewer calories) ㅡ

Busy but fun weekend.

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Things I must change about me

(edited)

1. Judgmental attitude
2. Underestimating myself
3. Posture
4. Studying habits (need one)
5. Handling fucktards in a better way

Details under “Read more”

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지니, 제니, 하리.

딸 둘, 아들 하나.

이상하게 들리겠지만, 난 얘네들을 봐줄때가 제일 행복한것같다.

다들 너무 귀여워죽겠다.

…pedophile 이라는 비판은 자주듣지만 -___-

애들이랑 놀아줄때마다 진정한 행복을 찾아낸것같은 느낌이든다.

가끔씩 못보게돼면, 왠지 아쉽다.

진짜 아들딸들은 아니지만

얘네들을 위해서라면 모든지 다 할수있을것같다.

이 순수하고 귀여운 아이들이,

이 악한세상에서 커야한다는게 ㅈㄴ 날 서글프게 만든다.

ㅅㅂ 얘네들 건드리는 새끼 단 한명이라도 있으면 없애버릴거야.

평생 감옥가도 상관안해.

Most of my motivation was built up from frustration, anger, and resentment, which were caused by despair, oppression, and torment.

I am thankful for these.

Anger is a gift

However, I do believe that I need a new source of motivation.

I have been seeing some motivational factors from the brighter side of life.

• Several kids refer to me as their role model.
• A number of my friends look to me for help.
• My family depend on me to be successful.

If there are people depending on me, I must be dependable.

I must improve myself, in order to help improve them.